An important distinction

The article mentioned in my previous post was wrongly titled in my opinion*.
It was called 'How to be a gentleman', when it should have been called 'How to behave like a gentleman'. There is a huge difference between the two, after all, a confidence trickster behaves like gentleman, that is how he gains people's confidence, but it doesn't make him anything of the sort.

In fact, few of the articles I have read on the web have been anything other than a list of things that will allow a man to appear to be a gentleman in order to bed more women.

The few that I have read that don't fit this description, tend towards snobbery which is even worse, because in this day and age, at least women want to be bedded, but there is no excuse for snobbery. There is nothing wrong with wanting to better yourself, but when you start thinking along the lines of being 'a cut above the rest', then you are in danger of looking down on people, and that would never do (unless those people aspire to live in the gutter as seems to be the fashion).

So what is a Gentleman?
Uncle Gus told me a story, I cannot guarantee it is true, if not, it should be! It goes like this...

During the war, he couldn't do military service, so instead he became a Special constable. One day he was walking his beat when an old lady invited him in for a cup of tea. Once inside the old lady poured two cups of tea, she then poured some tea from her cup into the saucer, blew on it to cool it down, and then slurped it loudly from the saucer.
My Uncle then did exactly the same, making an even louder slurp and adding "Ahhhh! That's the best cup of tea I have had all week!"

...because being a gentleman isn't about good manners, its about making the world a better, happier place.

He taught me that a gentleman aims to spread a little happiness everywhere he goes. You should aim to be a pleasure to be with, people should be completely at ease in your company whether you are guest or host.

For those only interested in bedding women, this will certainly help! Although if you are boasting about what a gentleman you are, then it probably won't work... at least not with any women I'd want to sleep with!

To state the blindingly obvious (sorry if I'm being patronizing),
1. Don't try too hard -- whatever you are doing, make it look effortless. This isn't about being cool, this is about being sincere, because you can't convincingly say, "Oh don't worry, it's no trouble" if you have broken out in a sweat!** You won't set people at ease if you are fussing around.
2. Don't be too flamboyant. Don't put on a show. It isn't about you so don't strive to be the centre of attention no matter how pretty your new tie is. Instead, listen and ask questions. Lets face it, everybody likes a bit of attention every now and again, so give it too them, be interested in them, it will flatter them. Of course some people are shy and don't want the attention, but you won't know this unless you are listening and being aware of the signals. This its when it's your turn to steal the lime light and entertain (If you are that way inclined).
3. Enjoy yourself! There's nothing so becomes a man as modest stillness and humility (Sorry, I promise that's the last time I quote the bard), but you can smile. And posing, pouting and brooding is totally out! A far better way of showing your manly qualities is to smile through adversity. Seriously, brooding may look sexy, but its gonna wear thin. As the old saying goes, smile and the world smiles with you... it's true. When you smile, you show that you are happy, comfortable, and at ease. Others will feel the same way.
(I must confess, my face doesn't like smiling very much and I can't help pouting. But I can tilt my head and convey a limited range of expressions with my eyebrows. Maybe I'm the love child of Mick Jagger and Rodger Moore?)

In fact, enjoying yourself is the thread that ties it all together. Most articles on being a gentleman will talk about etiquette, or talk about silk ties and cuff links, I have mentioned none of those things... so where do they fit in?
Etiquette and good manners are all about expectations of how to behave. I personally believe them to relative (as my story of the tea slurping illustrates) but they are a comfort zone none the less -- no unpleasant surprises.
And silk ties and cuff links, caviar and champagne***, these are the finer things in life, to be enjoyed, and more importantly, shared.

*Everything on this blog is my opinion. Consider me a guru or a fool, the choice is yours.
**Yeah, I know. Gentlemen don't sweat, they perspire.
*** Thank the gods, I am truly blessed! I don't much like caviar, truffles, smoked salmon, or any of the expensive delicacies, and champagne gives me heart burn. I'm lucky enough to derive my pleasures from the simple things in life like a glass of cold stout.